I Am A Healer

I have been spending a lot of time lately wondering what I would do next in order to bring money into the house.  I firmly believe that one can spend their life doing the things that matter most to them, earn a living and not have to compromise at a job they dislike or don't really care about.  So, I started to ask myself, and Spirit, what it is that I am meant to do.  "What is it, Great Spirit, Divine Mother/Father God, that I am meant to do in this lifetime?"  And then, I waited, impatiently, for the voice of Spirit to tell me what to do.

Spirit speaks to me in many ways:  Dreams, other people, animals, signs, symbols, song lyrics, etc.  It  also speaks to my, quite literally, in my ear.  I often find it difficult to discern the difference between the voice of Spirit and the other little voices in my head. (You know those voices, right? They are usually saying something about something you should do, shouldn't do, did wrong, forgot to do, etc.) Then,  I remember that Spirit doesn't speak to me like that.

I need to be in charge of the way my guidance comes through; there is no one who can tell me how to hear my own Higher Self.   I remembered this a few nights ago and told my Higher Self that it needs to speak to me in a way that will not scare me, is loving, and is authoritative in a kind manner.  It graciously complied, very quickly.  Later that night, I woke up at about 3:00 a.m. with my arm itching like crazy and my hand moving over the top of my husband's head.  Then I had this little spontaneous conversation in my mind:

Me: Why am I doing this in my sleep?

Higher Self: What is the one thing that you just can't stop doing?

Me: Healing 

HS: What do you think a "calling" is?

Me: The one thing you just can't not do.

HS: What is the thing you just can't not do?

Me:  Healing

HS: Do you love to do it?

Me: Um. I think so. Mostly.

HS: When do you love to do it?

Me: When I am feeling connected to Spirit, to the flow of Divine energy and to the receiver of the healing.

HS: When don't you love to do it?

Me: When I feel like I "have to" do it.  When I am just giving and not receiving anything in return. When I am just expected to do it. When what I do is not acknowledged or accepted or appreciated.

HS: Can you turn it off?

Me: Probably.

HS: Do you want to turn it off?

Me: No.

HS: Is this your calling?

Me: Um, based on the rest of this conversation, I think so.  

HS: Are you a healer?

Me: Yes.

HS: This is your calling

So, I have a calling.  I am called to be a healer.  I didn't take training to be a healer, I didn't ever think "Hey, I want to be a healer".  I didn't  seek it out, it sought me out.  (That's another, really long story, but seek me out, it did.)  What I did do is to say yes.  And when I said yes, that energy came sweeping through me like some kind of Divine freight train.  My larger mind, that part of self that knows I am connected to the Divine Source, opened up and received this energy.  My little mind, the one that gets scared, that wants to ask questions and understand everything in advance, says "But, do I 'have' to do this?"  Well, kinda.  I mean, I am waking up in the middle of the night finding my hands waving around in the air seeking that energy that wishes to be moved.    That little mind is afraid and the bigger aspect of mind just "knows".

Healing is that one thing that I would be willing to do for free.  And I have.  Plenty.  I haven't quite come out of the closet into the "Big World" and said "I am a healer" yet.  That's what this is, right here.  I am coming out, owning it and saying it's the truth.  When I "own" something, the energy to support me moves right in and makes itself at home.  So, I have learned to be careful about what I claim as mine.  But, lately, I have been asking what I am going to do for income and working through the whole idea of money as an energy exchange for spiritual healing work.  While I haven't had formal training as a healer, per se, I have spent the last 27 years of my life studying spirituality, psychology, coaching, counseling and ministry. I could present a pretty impressive (and weird) resume.  But, it won't qualify me for any office job.   I could, however, give you the names of some people (and one horse) that I have healed.  But, my resume as a healer would look like this:  Training:  The Source Itself.

I have a calling.  I have a calling to heal and to help people wake up.  That's why I am here.  I am here to bring people together in community. I am here to learn and to teach. The good news is that I am actually living my soul purpose.  The trick now is to monetize it so that I can pay the mortgage and other earthly things and enjoy financial freedom.  That is a little hard to write.  But, of course, everyone needs to earn a living.  I would like to be paid to do my soul's work.  Since it is my "calling", it is that thing that I can't not do.  It is also that thing I do, even if I am not paid for it.

But, we don't live in a world where we trade healing for chickens or trade chickens for housing.  We trade money for healing and we trade money for housing and we trade money for food, travel.  So, here I am, stepping out into the world saying "I am a healer. Bring it Universe.  But, please, be gentle."

I hope you will start following this blog as I begin to share this process of awakening I have been in over the years.  It's been pretty trippy.  It will make some cool stories.